Let down

It's Monday afternoon and the sky is leaden grey again and scudding low clouds are obscuring Mt. Orford. It's May and noththing has started to bloom yet...everything is waiting...dormant....poised for that huge explosion of growth the summer sun will bring... My soul feels the same way......This grey heavy feeling like the rain pounding on the roof....that gnawing feeling when you sense foreboding but can't put a finger on the cuase.

It has to be the culmination of a very emotonally draining year....It is a father's role to be the facillitator..the one that makes sure everything and everyone stays on course...I see the big picture and letting go of this role has left me purposeless. My two son's need me less and rightfully so, although the youngest one is drifting. I know deep in my heart that he has to make his own way but I fear, much like an analogy from Star Wars, that he is being courted by the darkside, so I feel impotent and helpless as life usurps my role as his.

I also know that I have failed to be the role-model and mentor I could have been for my students this year. I do believe that the insecurity I have felt over my own families trials and tribulations has drained my emotional bank and left me very vulnerable to emotional situations that I ususlaly handle easily.

So....It is up to me to deal with it and get past it...When the sun returns..I plan to take advantage of its presence.....To bask in its regenerative power and refuel my soul with hope and joy..... Peace and love to all