paralysed

Working for a living or living to work.....There is a fine line between the two...I've always been one to baost that Iwas my own man....independent.. did things my way....but as I age into that wonderful phase where just my life experieince commands respect from my younger collegues, I'm in a quandry. I'll tell you why...

Recently I put my name forward for a position of increased responsibility. This required that I be intervired by the senior management personnel of the organization I work for. The experieince was positive and I achieved my goal of updating my professional profile. So I should have been pleased about this.... Yet somewhere inside...The experience began to affect my emotional balance....and the fact that I let it idicates that there is some underlying insecurity in me. Actually, it probably exists in all of us becasue any time you lay yourself out therere on the carpet, ego is involved and no matter how independent we all pretend to be, we seek validation from others.

In my case, I've always had the confidence to stick to my beliefs, but as I gain experieince and I "age" I've learned to be more subtle and I am finding that I can successfully move agendas forward with this technique.

But at the end of the day... as the 20 days from the interview to the decision that was made today.. I found myself becoming professionally and emotionally paralysed...It was almost as if a part of me was not responding to the logical part of my brain....In fact, I still don't know what the results of tonight meeting was.. I only assume that I would have been called if it involved me..

So tomorrow I go back to being me and I rededicate myself to my role as a background person....and as a dreamer....I'll feel beter already!

Comments

Rob Retchless said…
We are all deeply affected by things that we consider "important" to us. I put important in quotes because only those events that become rooted deeply within our being...those issues that leave behind questions about ourselves...can truely strand us with that emotional unbalance that you've found yourself in over the last 3 weeks. It's not possible to stop being you...you just stop being the you that you're comfortable with. The good news is that the emotional centre of your body...your soul, if you will...is still alive and well ;) You are surrounded by people that care about you. In times where emotional paralysis leaves you searching for something, remember that you have people that you can turn to for support.

So smile! Take the positives from this experience and run with them. Flood your ears with songs that speak to you, and chill with the people you love. :)
4:10 PM
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